Coming Soon to an Arm near Me…


Remember this? No? It’s alright. It’s hubristic of me to assume I have a repeat readership.  Welcome, first time reader! I promise I’m not always this disjointed.

The hand drawn sketch was nice and all, but maaaan it took a long time, and if we’ll allow “Time-Poor” to be a phrase outside of the self-help and lazy journalism fields in which it originated then I am a chronological pauper. I’m actually thinking of filing for temporal bankruptcy.* So rather than spending time that I don’t have, I made with the GIMP-ing.**

I laid out my own jewellery on a table to make the branches, took a picture of said jewellery, then super-imposed some awesome, wistful-looking magpies I found on an image search. And so I have my next tattoo design. It’s getting done on one of my arms at this place on October 17th. Feel free to come and point and laugh if you’re in the area.

I’m pretty pleased with it, although one day I have hopes of expanding it to include some of these guys:


Because headless dive-bombing magpie is the bad-assed-est.  Undeniably.

* That’s where all the people I haven’t managed to make time for have to forgive me even though I haven’t found the time to say sorry.  In legal terms it’s slightly less silly than a super-injunction in the social media age – BOOM! Satire. BACK

** It’s like photoshopping but it’s free. I assume it’s called GIMP because it’s constricting and you have to be more than a bit of a masochist to persevere with it. BACK


A Quick One Because I’m FUMING

Although looking at this is making me feel slightly better

No time for a long tutorial this week. I went out drinking 3 nights in a row and they were all excellent fun, but then Monday morning came and the pain-pleasure balance kicked in. Consequently I’ve been having what shall henceforth be known as The Week of Fail. Basically I forgot how to computer, and since computer-ing is my entire job description things have mostly sucked your ma’s left one.

Botticelli’s ‘Birth of Venus’ is not at the top of the post simply to soothe me, although it does. It’s there to illustrate what I’m currently working on. My long-term project is a replacement for the hideous Beatles tribute which once hung in the bathroom of my flat. The medium? Cross-stitch. Obviously. I’ve been at it with my little pattern-generator again, and here’s what it came up with:


Just shy of 40,000 stitches of 15th century Renaissance gorgeousness, made tacky as all hell and hung above a toilet. Because that’s how I roll.*

Slight flaw with this plan: 40,000 is a lot. It’s a big number. As in, I’ve been working (granted, sporadically) for a few months and this is what I have:


A bit of the sky and a bit of a wing (that brown thing on the left). I’m doing the boring bits first on purpose, clearly. I’m determined it will be finished one day though, so I’m off to work on it a bit more right now whilst watching the Sopranos and drinking tea. I will also be praying to the abyss that this trinity of relaxing pass-times reduces my urge to destroy all life. As should you.

* Get it? Roll? Toilet roll? Sorry, I couldn’t let a post pass without a footnote. They’re kind of my thing now. I feel guilty for making you come all the way down here though, so interesting fact: I don’t roll at all. I’m totally a scruncher. BACK